Dorm rules says you can't smuggle opium Antonio
by EllyZeller
Summary: There were finals, a lost black box and many other things that Malik was sure were going into his list of reasons to hate dorm life. Crack fic [sort of], slash.


Cross/posting because why not?

AC nor it's characters are mine. I just use them for fangirling and fiction motives. Can't really stop. They're precious.

Also, this is pure crack. Written as a filler for a Misfire comment on the kink meme. Enjoy!

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Dorm rules say you can't smuggle Opium, Antonio

by EllyZeller

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Malik was by no means nosey.

No, really. He was a serious, casual, normal guy.

A _cold, insensitive, uninterested bastard_according to Kadar's drunken descriptions from that time he had to drag him out of the Auditore's house at 3:50 AM with an equally drunk Federico clinging to his leg.

The point was he had no interest in other people's lives. He had enough with his own.

That was the exact reason why he was crushing his essay with both hands whilst listening some really suspicious giggles from the next room.

Kadar seemed to notice his horrible mood and smiled nervously.

"Looks like Altair brought a girl tonight."

Of course, being Altair Malik's newfound -_DO NOT WANT_- crush he perked up and glared daggers -unintentionally, of course- at a the mass of shaking and blabbering Kadar had turned.

Unexpectedly, the dorm's room door banged open and an almost alarmed Ezio ran his eyes all over the room, ignoring the surprise in the brother's faces.

"Have you seen a black box this big over here?" Said the brunette gesturing with his hands and searching into every visible corner, until Malik's body blocked him. He frowned, staring at the menacing dark eyes with concern. "I'm serious Malik. If that box falls in the wrong hands..."

"That is not my problem. Get out"

"What's in the box Ezio?" Asked Kadar from behind a stunned Malik.

"Oh hey, _bambino_. I don't even want to know what Antonio wants to do with it." said Ezio almost in a scared tone, and Kadar's eyes widened.

"What if it is a bomb?" Malik had to growl in annoyance at the childish behaviour the two had taken, and pushed a resistant Ezio out.

"Wait- he said it was Opu- Opiomm...A medicine! His finals are coming and he needed something for the stress! " near screamed the man with frustration and now it was Malik's time to be surprised.

"Opium?" He asked and sighed when Ezio nodded vigorously... only to stop and raise an eyebrow while looking at his left.

"I didn't know Altair smoked."

No.

"He doesn't" said naive Kadar with a concerned frown. Just then they heard more giggling and a metaphorical lightbulb lit up on Kadar's head. "Perhaps his new girlfriend does!"

Before Ezio could express his excitement about the situation Malik dragged him inside and pushed him towards a confused Kadar.

"Stay here and open the windows. Don't get out" And then he closed the door and walked a few steps towards the next room, standing in front of the door and wrinkling his nose in disgust at the slightly noticeable trail of smoke coming from under the door.

He thought on knocking on the door, but more of that weird giggling was out and he kicked the door open -because no, he wasn't jealous of the bitch smoking opium in Altair's room- almost throwing up at the horrid smell but resisting the urge when he saw the before-mentioned black box resting on a corner - was that an actual metal pipe on it?- and a _giggling_Altair sprawled shirtless on his bed with a few pills on his hand.

He was killing Antonio for smuggling drugs to the dorm.

"Al Sayf!" he was startled when Altair called him by his last name, beckoning him to get close with a lazy movement of his hand. "You have to try this, Malik" he slurred when Malik stopped at his side.

Malik scowled and snatched the pills from the man, throwing them to the box and going over all he knew about Opium on his head while checking on Altair.

However, a small moan coming from those full scarred lips Altair had, stopped him dead in the same instant he touched his neck to check his pulse.

And then something clicked on his mind.

_Hypersensitivity, relaxation, slow breathing, high pleasure induced state..._

Ah right, and then the nausea and the rest of awful symptoms will come. Right.

"Hit me Malik."

He looked at Altair's face with all the seriousness he could muster up.

"Believe me, novice. I will." _As soon as I make sure you don't die._"Oh hell."

He mock-punched Altair in the shoulder and found himself smiling at Altair's carefree laugh -and no, he wasn't thinking that laugh made him look _cute_- walking off and opening the windows.

He heard a loud thud and swirled around just to find a laughing Altair face-first on the floor.

"I can't feel pain Malik, I'm invincible."

Malik heaved a sigh "It's just the opium Altair, you'll be shit sick in a couple hours."

He watched amusedly how Altair tumbled on his shaky legs and hit several furniture, only increasing his giggles and snickers.

"God damn it! This is amazing! I need more of this 'opium'!"

Then the tumbling Altair suddenly tackled him to the floor and laughed again, resting his head on Malik's chest and nuzzling his nose against his -fucking sensitive- neck, making Malik's heartbeat quicken furiously.

"Hnnng Malik..."

Malik was making sure to kill Antonio tonight-

"I think I'm _hard_... care to fix it?"

... or maybe tomorrow. Definitely Tomorrow.

-FIN-

Reviews are greatly appreciated by dorm students who happen to smuggle things from time to time. Srsly. Antonio knows...


End file.
